Fixing Fate: A Pleasant Valley Novel Read online

  The whistling of the wind mocks me and reduces me to the likes of a little boy afraid of the dark. A deafening boom closely follows another flash of lightning. My heart pounds to get away and fear claws at me so hard I feel like my skin is about to rip open. I try my best to push it away, but it’s pointless. Instead, I stare at the ceiling and wait for the torture to end.

  Chapter 12

  Mellie

  I know exactly where I am when I wake up. I know who’s next to me, warming my back. And I can’t remember a time I had a smile on my face this early in the morning.

  Needing to see him, I roll to my other side. He’s sleeping, but his eyebrows are drawn together in an almost painful way. My fingers itch to touch him, to pull myself closer to him. I desperately want to be brazen and tuck myself against him and just stay here all day, but I don’t even know if he’s happy that I’m in his bed.

  He stretches and kicks some covers off, so the top of his chest is showing. The metal bars sticking through his nipples taunt me. I never thought they’d be hot on a guy, but seeing them close makes my mouth water.

  “Morning, sunshine.”

  I had no idea he was awake. My face flames knowing he saw me ogling him. “Good morning. I didn’t hear you come back, how did you get out?”

  Grabbing my hand, he gives me a tug so I’m closer to him. “I know the mayor. The charges were bogus; you and I know both know it.”

  “Yeah, definitely.” I drape my arm over his chest and fist my hand to prevent myself from raking my nails into his chest. Gosh, what has gotten into me? I never have thoughts like this... not even in a fantasy, let alone with a real person.

  “I didn’t hear you come home last night.” He quirks an eyebrow, and I backtrack. I sound like a stage-five clinger. “I mean. Here. To your house. I didn’t hear you come into your house last night.”

  “We never did have that talk yesterday.” He tosses the rest of the covers away. Mouse jumps off the bed and saunters out of the room.

  Holy mother of everything. He’s in nothing but a pair of black boxer briefs. Every long, thick inch of him is outlined. I can’t stop staring at it. He does something that makes it twitch, and I choke on an inhale. My cheeks flame, and when he puts a hand under my chin to tilt my head up, I jerk out of it.

  “It’s okay, Mellie.”

  “I should go make breakfast.” A weak attempt to get up proves impossible when he tosses a leg over mine and pulls me into his arms. And then what do I do? Look right at it. I can’t stop staring at his penis.

  “You wanna touch it, baby?”

  My mouth is suddenly full of cotton, and I lick my lips.

  “This is what I was talking about when I said we need to make sure we’re on the same page. Because if you want me even half as bad as I want you, I need to know. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or make assumptions, but I’m not going to lie.” He flexes his arms around me. “I want nothing more right now than for you to touch me.”

  “I do. I mean, you do?” I assumed as much. But hearing words helps.

  “Hell, yes. Christ, Mellie. I can’t get you outta my damn head. It’s more than I ever wanted to feel for someone, but it fuckin’ happened, and I can’t stop it.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, really.” He sits up, and I finally look away from the snake in his boxers. He leans closer and rests his forehead on mine. “I’m fallin’ so damn hard for you.”

  Instead of replying with some stupid remark or question, I sit here like a damn guppy, my mouth hanging open and wide eyes just staring at him.

  “And I know we have a lot of unconventional and difficult situations under our belt, but I’d like to change that. I’d like to add more happy times. When we spent the day together, just wandering around, it was one of the best days I can remember in years. I want more of those. I’d like to stop avoiding it and have you just be mine already.”

  “You would?”

  “I would.” He chuckles. “But I need to know that we understand each other and that you want this, want me, as much as I do you… I don’t do this, Mellie.” He motions between us. “I’ve been alone for a very long time for good reason, but I can’t help what you do to me.”

  Two things happen at once. One, I realize his harsh personality and standoffish demeanor comes from a place of pain. I see it in his eyes. I want to know what it is so I can fix it. I’ll have to get it out of him later. But two, and more importantly… “What about that woman, Smith?”

  “Who?”

  I roll my eyes. “Don’t play coy.”

  “I’m not. Who are you talk— Oh. Vivian. The one who told you she was waiting for me?”

  “Yeah, her. Doesn’t seem you’ve been alone as much as you say.” I even put some sass in my tone, and he grins.

  “I haven’t touched her since I laid eyes on you.”

  “Hmm.” I try to push off him, but he won’t let me. “Let me go.”

  “What’s with the attitude?”

  “Oh nothing, just that you’re a liar.” I struggle more, but he doesn’t even budge.

  “Excuse me?”

  “I forgot about it until just now. But that woman, Vivian,” I say with distaste. Even her name is snobby. “I saw you with her the first night I was here, and that was after you laid eyes on me.”

  He looks at me with confusion, and then slowly closes his eyes. “You don’t need to worry about me ever lying to you, okay? Just ask me instead of playing games.”

  “I’m not playing games. Let me go.” I wiggle, and before I know it, I’m on my back, and he’s hovering above me.

  “I was going to, but I didn’t, okay? The cab pulled up to her place, and I never got out with her,” he whispers. “All I could think about was you. And how when we drove by, I saw you, and I felt guilty for being with someone else. It gutted me, because... I could have sworn you looked just as shitty as I felt.”

  He remembers. And he noticed that? “I was.”

  “Why?” He runs his nose along my jaw. “Why, baby?”

  “Because I didn’t want you to be with someone else.”

  “Who did you want me to be with?”

  I exhale a shaky breath. “Me.”

  “Good thing that’s what I want too.” He presses a kiss to my cheek. “She means nothing. And she wasn’t waiting for me. I promise. The only woman I want is you.”

  “I want you, too. But I’m nervous.”

  “Why?”

  I hesitate, and he rolls over to his back again. I cuddle up to him, throw my leg over his, and place my hand on his chest. It’s like he knows I don’t want to look into his eyes; he understands me.

  “Why?” he repeats.

  “You know why, and since then, I haven’t…” My words trail off, and he strokes my hair.

  “It’s not all about sex, sunshine. Of course, I want to be inside you more than my next breath, but I understand you’ve got some... uncertainty about things. I promise that I’ll take things as fast or as slow as you want, if you just promise to trust me to take care of you. Promise me you’ll talk to me and please, don’t leave me.”

  I nod against his chest and love that the tears I’m blinking away are happy ones. I can’t remember the last time I cried tears of joy. Is it possible to fall in love with someone this quickly? I know that I’m attracted to him and that he makes me feel safe. I want to do things with him I’ve never done before because I was too afraid. I flew on a plane by myself just to see him again. I took risks I never thought I would have the courage to do. Hell yes, it’s possible... because I’m already in love with him.

  He kisses the top of my head, and we lie like this for a while. I absentmindedly glance at the bulge in his underwear again, and since his nipples are at eye level, I can’t help but play with them. I muster up the courage to slide my hand over to his left pec and gently run a fingertip down until it connects with the metal bar. A small grunt leaves his lips, and I sit up a little, leaning on my left arm and using my right
hand to trace every indentation of his stomach. Each curve. Every nook. The muscles that flex when my skin ghosts over his.

  I look at him as I continue south but stop at the waistband. “Can I still touch… you?”

  “You are touching me.”

  My face flames, and I hesitate, then point.

  “My cock, baby. You can say it.”

  “Can I touch your... your cock?” I suddenly remember the books I edit. Deciding to pull motivation from them, I feel a surge of power. Cock. Why is it so hard to say out loud? Hard. A giggle escapes me.

  “You laughin’ at my dick, babe?”

  “No, God no. I just.” I regain my composure and go for it. “Can I still touch your big, long, thick cock?” I tried to lighten the mood and over exaggerate, but he didn’t catch my drift.

  “Fuck, yes,” he moans through clenched teeth.

  I lightly trace a fingernail over the material constricting him, and his hips shoot off the bed. I do it again, circling the metal loop in the tip, and earn a growl. Biting my lip, I reach inside and wrap my fingers all the way around it. He really is big, long, and thick. He growls again as I grip him harder.

  “You’re killing me, baby.” Sweat actually forms on his chest, and I notice his hands fisting the sheets. He sits up a little, and I’m not sure if I should move my hand with him or not. I hold on because frankly, I like how it feels. It’s so soft and hard but smooth. A sexy contradiction.

  I pause when a bit of moisture grazes my finger and I trace it up to the tip where I rub it around.

  “You’ve gotta stop, Mellie.”

  Oh no, shit. “I’m sorry.” I start to scoot out of bed. I don’t think I’ve ever been more embarrassed in my life.

  He grabs my arm even though I try to fight my way out of his grip. It’d be good if the bed would just swallow me whole. Ugh, this sucks.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” He sounds genuinely surprised, and I want to slap him. Oh yeah, I’m just going to stick around when you tell me to stop touching you ’cause I’m doing it so badly.

  I shake my head and somehow end up flying through the air. I squeal and squeeze my eyes closed, afraid of watching myself collide with something. But instead of that happening, a memory foam pillow cushions my head, and when I open my eyes, he’s hovering above me again.

  I feel my eyes well with tears and can’t help when the tears fall out. “Why do you keep doing this to me?”

  The hardened features of his face soften, and he licks his lips. “Your hand on me was incredible.”

  “Why did you tell me to stop then?”

  “Because if you kept doing what you were, I was gonna come in my underwear. Something I haven’t done since I was thirteen and stole a swimsuit catalog from my mom.”

  I can’t help the laughter that bubbles out of me, hearing him joke around when I’m so vulnerable. He smiles, likely happy with the result of his story.

  “Before you go doing things to me that will make me lock you in this room so I can explore you for days, so I can taste every part of you, so I can make love to you so many times we pass out from exhaustion, I should show you how good it can be. When you touch me... I’m just afraid I won’t be able to control myself.”

  At my nervous expression, he regresses. “No. No, I’d never, fucking never, hurt you. But I don’t want to take things too far when you’re not ready. And for me to know when you’re ready, I have to know your body.” He rubs his thumb across my lip, slides it down between my breasts and circles it around one of my nipples. “I need to know what sounds you make when you’re turned on. I need to make sure that when we’re together, you feel safe enough to let yourself go.”

  I barely manage to swallow. “I do feel safe with you. It’s part of the reason I came back here.”

  “Yeah?” He watches his hands as they explore over my shirt. Even through the material, I feel his rough fingers gliding over my hardened nipples. A shiver runs through me. “What are the other reasons?”

  “Mouse,” I tease.

  “Hmm…” His lips twitch. “Anything else?”

  “No.”

  “No?”

  I wait until he brings his eyes back to me. “I missed you.”

  “Missed you too, baby.”

  I can’t continue with the banter anymore, because he rolls a nipple between his fingers, and I moan in frustration. I even pull back to get a little friction between my legs to ease the ache.

  “Do you want me to stop? What’s wrong?” Smith asks with concern. He removes his hands, and that frustrates me even more.

  Ugh, I work with words for a living, yet I can’t tell him what I want. Why am I such a girl? “Nothing,” I lie. How do I say I’m so horny I can barely breathe?

  “Just like that.”

  “What?”

  “I wouldn’t want you to stop breathin’ on me now.” He smirks, then his eyes glaze over with desire. “Get on your back.”

  “I said that out loud?”

  “Yes, and you have no idea what it does to me.”

  “Oh God,” I breathe out.

  “Lie all the way down, Mellie. Let me make you feel good.”

  I fall to my back, and as I’m about to hit the mattress, my shirt is torn off. Smith tosses it onto the ground. He takes the rest of my clothes off and gives me a hard kiss, winding his fingers in my hair. “If you want me to stop. Ever. At any fuckin’ time. Tell me. This won’t work if you don’t tell me what you want.”

  I nod.

  “Tell me, Mellie. I need to hear the words.”

  “I’ll tell you.”

  “Good girl.” He kisses my nose, then my jaw, and then my collarbone. He trails his tongue down between my breasts and around my navel. When he continues torturing my bare breasts, I squirm beneath him. “I’ll pay more attention to these later.”

  His warm breath hits my already wet center, and I shiver. Oh man.

  “God, you’re so fuckin’ pretty down here.” His thumbs separate me, and he takes one swipe with his tongue around my clit. “Fuck. Mmm,” he hums at the same time I moan, “Oh, God.”

  His long finger slides into me effortlessly, and I feel myself clenching around him. “You good?”

  “Yes, more than. Please don’t stop.”

  He slides his finger out and circles my opening again, then pushes two fingers back in. He does it again so damn slow I swear I’m about to break down.

  “Smith,” I whine.

  “Not fun being teased, is it?” He smiles up at me.

  “Please.”

  “Okay, baby.” His mouth descends at the same time he pumps his fingers harder and faster, finally holding them in and curling them as he flicks my clit rapidly with his tongue.

  Oh, my God. Oh, my GOD! “Smith.” I scream his name and he holds my belly down with one hand while he continues licking and sucking at my throbbing center. Every inch, no centimeter… molecule probably, of my body tingles with a pleasure I didn’t even know existed. Somewhere during the all-consuming orgasm that ripped through me with no warning, I grabbed his hair. My fingers tug and flex against his scalp with the pulses of his fingers inside me. I slowly come down from the absolute best sensation I’ve ever felt in my life. His body heat suddenly vanishes, and he curses. I open my eyes and am mortified at what I see. I thought I was embarrassed before. That was nothing.

  He holds his bloody fingers up. “I thought… I mean. Jay said…” He shakes his head in confusion.

  My bliss dulls until it shifts to regret, and I sit up, wrapping the sheet around me as if it’ll protect me from the truth. “There’s more than one way to be…” I trail off, trying to think of the right word, the correct way to adequately describe the moment I was shown how cold the world really was. I force the word from my lips, but it comes out barely a whisper. “Violated.”

  Chapter 13

  Smith

  She continues speaking, and I can barely comprehend what she’s saying through the dark fog surrounding me. “I
was on my stomach the whole time, so there was only one part of my body that he abused. If Jay hadn’t come in my room, though…” Her shoulders shrug, and through my haze, I see her embarrassment.

  “I’ll be… Just hold on a sec.” Instead of using the bathroom attached to my room, I jog downstairs and close the door. My shaky hands rest on the countertop, and I take a few deep breaths to calm myself down. As I’m washing my hands, visions of what she just told me rip through my skin and settle deep in my gut, forcing me to face the reality of what she endured. My feet slip on the rug as I lunge for the toilet and dry heave into it. Good thing I haven’t eaten yet today.

  I never thought... not that it makes it better, but I didn’t... fuck. If anything, it makes it worse. I can’t stop picturing her pressed down with some motherfucker—shit. I heave again and spit into the bowl.

  When I finally compose myself enough to go back to her, she’s not in bed. I grab my cell and throw on a pair of shorts and a tee since I’m in here. The pipes screech and I go back in the hall and test the knob on the bathroom door. Locked. I knock, but she doesn’t answer.

  “Mellie, sunshine, open up.” I can barely hear anything over the water, so when the door does open, I’m surprised. “I had no idea. I’m sorry, I just needed a minute. The thought of it alone... then knowing. Shit, I can’t stomach that you—” I just stop talking, because the more I do, the more tears well in her eyes.

  “Yeah, well, I’m trying to move on, and it’s probably good that you know now, so you’re not disappointed when you find out there are certain things I will never ever do.”

  I step back, a little pissed off that she thinks so low of me that I’d be disappointed in her for that.

  Before I can say anything, she continues. “I understand it’s a turn off, and you probably—”

  “I want you to shut up and listen to what I’m about to say.” Enough of this shit.