Roam (Guarding Her Book 5) Read online

  The morning came all too fast, but at the same time, I felt like it took forever for the sun to rise.

  We tiptoed around each other that morning, and then for the past two days, all we do is make small talk and watch movies. I sit on the couch and he in his chair, and though we we’re just a few feet apart, it feels like a world between us. He makes breakfast and dinner, and I make lunch. I’ve read a book, and he finished the one he started. I’d feel his gaze on me, and when I’d look up, he wouldn’t hide the fact that he was fixed on me. I don’t know him well enough to know what his looks mean, but I could tell he was frustrated. I just didn’t know why exactly.

  It’s been… fine. But I know what’s happening. He freaked himself out the other day, and he’s stepping back because he thinks it’s what I want or need. Little does he know it’s the exact opposite.

  When I woke up this morning, he was nowhere to be found inside, and he didn’t make breakfast, so I ate Pop-Tarts and drank some juice before I got dressed. I heard the sounds before I peeked at him through the picture window that gave a view of his land and private beach. And now I stand on the back patio, water bottle in hand, leaning against the doorjamb as I watch him chop wood.

  He’s in a pair of low-rise jeans and shirtless, his torso sweaty and powerful as he brings down the ax. Wood splinters and collapses onto the pile on the ground, and he bends to bring another up. Every muscle in his arms ripples, and after watching him cut at least a dozen logs, he finally looks up.

  He uses the back of his arm to wipe moisture off his forehead as his chest heaves. My knees become weak, and I sit on the top step as he takes one more powerful swing, settling the ax in the stump before he makes his way toward me. He stands at my feet, strong and silent but cautious.

  I lift the water bottle toward him, and he bends down to grab it, but kisses the top of my head first. “Thanks, baby.”

  That’s the first time he’s called me that, and no matter what happens, I’ll remember it for the rest of my life. The pet name makes me heat up entirely, and when he sits next to me, I have a hard time thinking clearly. I forgot why I was mad at him and can only focus on what’s happening right now, but truth be told, I was never mad at him. I don’t think I ever could be.

  His dog runs up to me, and I pet the top of her head for a second until she grabs a tennis ball and drops it by my feet. I throw the ball, and Luna takes off after it. She doesn’t bring it back. Instead, she pushes it around with her nose and buries it under some leaves.

  Noble grabs a white T-shirt off the banister and tugs it on, and I sigh at the loss of his bare, sweaty chest. We sit in silence, and I don’t know if now is the right time, but we need to get the elephant in the room out in the open before we can move on. If we’re able to move on. Besides, I’ve wanted to ask him about Katie. I had a lot of free time and wondered about so much. But something I’d thought about for years and wondered on his behalf was if he had a good memory to hold on to.

  “Did you see her that morning?”

  He sighs and closes his eyes for a long moment, knowing exactly who I’m talking about. The pain is fresh even though it happened so long ago. “Yeah.”

  “Do you remember the last thing she said to you?”

  “Love you, Daddy,” he replies immediately. Yeah, he has a good memory of the last time he saw her. And I bet he hears her saying that every time he closes his eyes.

  “What was the last thing you said to her?”

  “Love you more, sweet pea.” He whispers those five words, but I hear the agony loud and clear, and the torture of what he lost transfers to me, leaving me hollow.

  He clenches his jaw and stands before dropping his head and walking toward the beach. I wait a minute to give him time, then stand right next to him. Staring at the sun dancing behind the water, I tell him about the last time I saw her. “We were sitting on your bed messing around with Cora’s makeup. Katie only had on a little lipstick and some eyeshadow, but she looked so cute.”

  He agrees. “She was.”

  “I know. She was so happy, too. There was something about her that was just… angelic almost. Not her blond hair, but her spirit, which is why I was drawn to her even though she was younger than me. I was always in trouble, trying to get attention from someone, but when I was with her, I didn’t feel like I needed to.”

  He grunts as a response, but since he doesn’t shut me up, I continue. I’ve always wanted to know about Cora, and since he’s actually talking, I figure now’s as good a time as any. “I always thought she got that from you. Not her mom.”

  He bites his bottom lip and rocks back on his heels. “Cora had her problems, but she was a good woman when I met her.”

  “How did you meet?”

  “House party when we were even younger than you. Fell in love, got pregnant unexpectedly, then married. It was good for a while, and then it wasn’t.”

  “What happened to her?”

  He sighs, and when he doesn’t say anything, I worry I went too far. Katie was my friend, but she never told me anything bad about her mom other than she could be mean sometimes. I’d have killed for what she considered mean, but I can’t begrudge her for growing up in a loving home with parents who cared.

  He takes my hand and walks us to shore where he sits on a washed-up log. I giggle when Luna barks at the water before she jumps in and swims in a circle. I kick my flip-flops off and take a seat next to him.

  “It all started with Cora getting hit while riding her bicycle on the way home from work one day. She loved to ride her bike. I thought it was cute, a woman in her twenties with an electric blue Cruiser and a big wicker basket in the front where she’d put her lunch and purse. Cora had skidded on the side of the road. Her tire must have hit a rock or something because it sent her careening into traffic, and the driver could do nothing to avoid hitting her.”

  “Oh, my God.”

  “Yeah. Cora was in the hospital for months with a broken back, hip, leg, and elbow. After that, the therapy started, but her pain never went away. I didn’t realize it was happening even though I know I should have. But between me working overtime to try to stay ahead of all the bills and trying to raise Katie as best as I could with a wife who struggled to manage her pain every single day, it just slipped.

  “The first time I realized it was a problem was when I was patrolling and saw her in a high traffic area. I didn’t want to believe it, and the exchange happened so fast I almost missed it. I followed her home and confronted her, where she broke down and admitted she had a problem. Cora had been to rehab three times. She’d OD’d twice. And I’d tried everything I possibly could.”

  My throat burns when I inhale because the anguish surrounding me is suffocating.

  He turns his head, so I only see his profile. Slight wrinkles around his eyes from age, not laughter. Not from smiling. His jaw is sharp and ageless while his Adam’s apple lowers when he swallows. “I tried, Rinny.”

  “I know you did.” My hand rests on his thigh, and I settle my head on his strong shoulder. He stiffens but doesn’t move or push me away. I like being close to him. He makes me feel safe and, dare I say, loved.

  “Toxicology report came back after the accident.”

  I gasp and cover my mouth. “No.” I had no clue. I thought it was just an accident.

  “Yeah. Looked right at her that morning. She fucking kissed me before she got into the car with my dog and my fucking daughter, high out of her goddamn mind. I don’t know how I didn’t see it. I thought things were finally going to get better. I didn’t fucking see it.”

  “Noble.” I cuddle into him, and he wraps his arm around my back, his palm resting on my hip. “It’s not your fault.”

  “All I wanted was to have my wife back. I wanted the woman I fell in love with to come back to me, and I got a glimpse of her that morning. I think I was just blinded by it, by the fucking hope. If I hadn’t let my guard down with her, I’d have seen it. Then I never would have let her drive and—” />
  I can’t take the blame he’s placing on himself, and I cut him off. “It’s not your fault.”

  He squeezes me tight. “Nobody knows for sure, but it’s assumed the amount of Xanax in her system made her pass out. She lost control, and I lost them… Just like that.”

  I wrap my arm around his stomach and just hold on. Absolutely nothing I could say would make him feel better, so the only thing I can do is be here, I guess. Katie was the only person I ever lost who I cared about, so hopefully that comforts him somehow to know I have an understanding for what he lost.

  I never knew my parents since my mother died giving birth, and I came out already addicted. Growing up in the system, I never got close to anyone. Partially because I was bounced around so much, but also because I didn’t want to go through the pain of losing someone I cared about again, not after Katie.

  “I can’t find it in me to have any love for the woman I vowed to spend my life with. None at all. When I think about that day, I only think about losing Katie. Cora was gone way before that.” He finally whispers, “I hate her.”

  At this point, I don’t think there’s anything else I can say, so I don’t. And neither does he. We simply sit for a while like this, and I actually start to feel my lids getting heavy. Despite the heavy conversation, it’s so peaceful; the water quietly lapping at the shore, the light breeze, the birds singing, and Noble’s strong arms around me. I close my eyes and press into him as I burrow my head against his chest, letting the steady beat of his heart lull me to sleep.

  Noble

  Brinley’s weight on me is more comforting than I expect or want it to be. I carried her inside after she fell asleep by the beach. Sitting down on the couch, I intended to lay her next to me.

  But she grabbed on and curled up practically on my lap, so I just left her.

  And I love how she feels up against me. So soft and warm and so goddamn sweet. I love how she just listened when I talked, and I loved that she actually didn’t make me feel like I was an idiot for not realizing Cora was high that day. I like a lot about Brinley.

  I absentmindedly stroke her thick red hair even though my arm is going numb.

  Fuck.

  This isn’t good.

  Without waking her, I slide out from beneath her and toss the blanket from the back of the couch over her and Luna. She sighs deep, and the beauty she possesses is something I noticed immediately when I saw her even though she was in the middle of a breakdown.

  Her skin is flawless… so creamy, and the freckles along the bridge of her nose and on her cheeks taunt me. Damn. This shit needs to stop. I can’t cuddle with her, can’t allow all these fucked-up feelings inside me out in the open, and definitely not the shit I’m feeling about her.

  I need to do right by her, and if I did what I wanted to do, it’d be wrong. But I can’t stop myself, no matter how hard I try.

  The crunch of tires on my gravel driveaway makes my ears perk up, and I look through the window above my sink to see Q’s stupid expensive car rolling up my driveaway.

  Walking out of the kitchen, I glance over at Rinny and am glad she’s still sleeping. I hush Luna when she sticks her head over the couch. Disarming the keypad, I step onto the porch and close the door behind me. Q has the balls to lift his chin at me. “Hey.”

  “What are you doing here?”

  He pulls his head back. “Uh, don’t you remember? I told you I had to swing by to add the infrared to your outdoor cameras.” He glances toward the house, and my shackles raise.

  I know why he’s here. And it’s not happening. “No, you’re not.”

  “I’m not?” He crosses his arms. “Funny. ’Cause I’m here.”

  I walk down the steps and stop close enough that if I need to beat his ass I can reach, but not so close that he can pull a fast one on me. Because without him telling me, I know. And we’re about to have a major fuckin’ problem on our hands. If he thinks he’s getting his anywhere near her, he’s gonna find out real quick that he couldn’t be more wrong.

  “You don’t want to do this,” I warn him.

  “Do what?”

  “You’re really gonna play games with me?”

  He drops his arms. “I’m just here for your system. You think I don’t know you already fuckin’ pissed on her, man? Christ, Noble, I’m not a goddamn idiot.”

  “I didn’t—”

  “Yeah, you did. Harlan’s ass took off to go to New York for a project, but if he were here, you bet your ass everyone at Royal would get an earful about how your shackles go up when someone even looks at her. Lucky for you, I know how to keep my mouth shut. And double lucky for you, sure, she’s gorgeous, but she’s not my type.”

  “Bullshit. You want in her short ass shorts.”

  His jaw tightens, and he leans into me. “If you think I’m gonna try to get my dick wet with a girl who’s the same age as my little sister, you’re fucked in the head.”

  My hands fist and knuckles turn white when, for the first time, I’m called out on the age difference in a bad way. “I think you thought about getting your dick wet with an unbelievably pretty woman who’s well past the age of consent.”

  He raises a brow. “Not me who needs to justify she’s over eighteen.”

  “I ain’t justifying shit, Q. I’m helping her because she has nobody else.”

  “Right. Instead of letting her stay with Polly, who could actually help guide her, from experience, to a good place, you bring her out to your secluded property and lock her in your cabin. That’s helping her?”

  “I’m not locking her in. I’m making sure she’s safe because the first night she was here, she tried to run away in the middle of the night with bare feet and fucked up her ankle. Then the next day while we were shopping, she took off and ran a half a mile back toward where she used to live out of a fuckin’ car.”

  He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Fight or flight.”

  “Yeah, and pretty soon, the flight will stop, and all she’ll want to do is fight. It started already a couple of days ago, as you witnessed.” It still pisses me off that Q and Harlan saw her run through the house after she cursed at me wearing that scrap of material she called a swimsuit. I saw it in her eyes then; she’s starting to come out of her shell, but the rough edges that helped her survive for so long will be emerging, sharp as ever. I need to make sure I can help dull them so she’s nothing but soft and smooth. “I know it’ll get worse before it gets better. And after that, I have no clue what’ll be on my hands. Unless she asks for it, I’ll be damned if I Iet anyone else get close to her, Polly included, while she’s going through whatever it is she’ll be going through.”

  “Why?”

  “Because she’s mine.” I suck in a jagged breath at my admission. It’s bad enough that I feel this shit, but for me to say it out loud isn’t cool.

  “I thought you were helping her because she has nobody else.” Fucker. He grins. “Does she know you’ve claimed her?”

  “Probably not the extent she thinks.” I concede in trying to pretend I meant something different than what I said. It’s been an eye-opening realization that I’m actually developing feelings for someone I have no right to feel anything for.

  “Luna, come on, baby girl. Let’s go potty.” Brinley’s feathery, melodic voice echoes in the forest surrounding my cabin.

  I hear Luna’s panting as she runs around the yard before I see her. When she looks up, she barks at me, then sticks her nose to the ground, following a scent. But then Brinley comes into view, and Q’s whole demeanor changes when he gets eyes on her.

  I know exactly what he’s looking at, and I know exactly what he sees. Petite with legs that somehow go on for miles in nothing but a pair of short cutoffs, a red bra under a white tank top that stops just above the waist, showing a strip of creamy skin, and her enticing hair piled in a rat’s nest on the top of her head. She doesn’t have a stitch of makeup on, and I know she’s prettier than anybody Q’s ever seen before.

  Sh
e’s just naturally that damn beautiful.

  Prettier than any model or actress or singer in the entire world. And he’s seen it all. Hell, all of us in this business have seen it all. Tall, short, skinny, curvy. Big tits, round ass, killer legs, flat stomach. Brinley’s somehow all of it combined. Enticing and everything, she’s fucking perfect.

  “Hey. I didn’t know where you were.” She smiles when she sees me, then rounds the house, and her eyes catch Q. “Oh, hi.” She looks past him and back to me. “I didn’t know you were here either. I didn’t mean to interrupt, I’ll just—”

  “You’re not interrupting.” Q walks over to her and hugs her. Like he has the goddamn right to. He says something to her that makes her laugh, and I clear my throat, not letting him forget I’m right fuckin’ here. She hugs him back, then steps away and shuffles on her feet. He runs his fingers through his hair and gives her space, but the stupid knowing grin on his face stays plastered there.

  “I was going to take Luna for a walk, but I’ll just wait until you guys are done talking or whatever.” She bites her lip, and I swear to Christ, I want to rip Q’s eyes out for seeing her the way she is right now.

  I should let her be around people who I know would risk their life for her. I should let her hang out with a good guy who’s closer to her own age. Q would. I know he’s a solid dude, and the fact she’s comfortable around him tells me she knows it, too. I don’t know how it came about, and I don’t care.

  If I was a solid dude, I’d give them time to get to know one another because they’d actually be a good match. She’s beautiful and sweet and all the things that a man would want to come home to at the end of the day.

  They’d mix well, so I should give them that chance.

  But I’m not going to. He’s not getting anywhere near her like I know he wants to, even if he denies it. Nobody is.