Not Your Hero Read online

  “I want to be with you, too.” She runs her fingers through my hair. “But it’s too much.”

  “No. It’s not enough. I can never give you enough. But this, taking that stress away, I can do that. Please, baby, let me do this for you.”

  A tear rolls out of her eye, and I wipe it away. I wish I could take all of her tears away.

  “Sam.” That’s all she says and stares at me. I see the wheels turning in her head but don’t want to push her, so I give her some time, and slowly move in and out of her. Sweat starts to form on my back, and I don’t know how much longer I can hold off.

  She sits up and rolls us over then slams her mouth to mine. She’s still wrapped around my dick, and it’s taking every ounce of strength I have to let her have this.

  “Are you sure?” she asks.

  “Yes. I’m positive.”

  “This means you’re all in, right?”

  “One hundred percent.” I smile and mean it. Christ, do I mean it.

  “Then, okay. I’ll quit.”

  Thank God. “That makes me very happy.”

  She giggles, and right along with my dick, my fucking heart expands. “Me, too.”

  “Wanna know what would make me even happier?”

  “What?”

  “You riding me.”

  She taps her lips and squints her eyes. “Hmm . . .”

  “Babe, fuckin’ ride me.” I thrust up, and she throws her hands on my chest to keep from falling.

  “Okay, Sam.”

  * * *

  The sun wakes me up, and I trace the curve of Courtney’s waist, holding in a laugh when she reaches back and tries to hit my hand away.

  I do it again, and she rolls to her side, facing me. “Stop it,” she groans and opens her eyes.

  Damn, I could get used to waking up with her in the morning. “Stop what?”

  “You’re tickling me. And it’s early.”

  “I know.” I lean down and kiss her plump lips. “But I need to know if you want me to leave.”

  She sits up. “Why?”

  “Because of Ben. Not sure if you’re ready to tell him about us.”

  She reaches over and grabs my hand. “That is one of the reasons you make it so easy to love you.”

  I stare at her, not sure I heard correctly. The last time someone told me they loved me was Izzy, and that was a lie. Before her, it was my grandparents . . . actually they were the only ones.

  “I . . .”

  “Shh.” She kisses the palm of my hand and places it on her chest. “I don’t expect you to say it back, but just know that I do. I love that you always think of Ben, that you put him first. You have no idea how much it means to me. But to answer your question. No. I don’t want you to go. I want you to stay.”

  I didn’t think I would feel as relieved as I do, knowing that she’s putting her faith in me to not hurt her or Ben. I do love her. And Ben. I love both of them more than I ever thought I was able to. But I can’t bring myself say it. “That means a lot to me.” I cringe at the lame words. “I. Fuck, you know how I feel about you, right?”

  “I do.” She smiles.

  I was so caught up in everything last night, and as soon as we were done, we crawled under the covers and passed out. “I didn’t use a condom last night.”

  “It’s okay, I’m on the pill. And I trust you.”

  I’m not sure if hearing her say that she trusts me means more than hearing her say I love you, but holy shit, it’s awesome.

  “Good, because you feel fucking phenomenal.”

  “But I will say,” she crawls over me and straddles my stomach, “that getting me to agree to quit X with your dick inside me was not fair.”

  “I think it was completely fair.” I run my hands up and down her thighs.

  “You’re a sneaky man, Sam. But I didn’t get the chance to tell you my condition.”

  Fuck. I suddenly feel nauseous and lick my lips. “What conditions?”

  “Condition. It’s only one. But it’s a deal breaker. If you don’t agree to it, I have no choice but to renege my agreement.”

  I let go of her legs and grab the sheets and squeeze them. Then swallow loudly, as her eyes follow my Adam’s apple. “Okay?”

  “You let me help you with your paperwork.”

  A rush of air leaves my mouth, and I laugh. “That’s it?”

  “Yeah, that’s it.”

  “Deal.” Lord knows I could use all the help I can get in that department. And working with her is just another excuse to spend more time with her, maybe bend her over my workbench, so she won’t hear an argument out of me.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah.” I flip us over and frame her beautiful face with my hands. “That is just one of the reasons I fell in love with you.” I have no hesitation now. I want her to know. I want her to understand how serious I am.

  Her face softens, and she rests a hand on my cheek. “Sam.”

  “You are the most unselfish person I know, and trust me, I grew up with nothing but the opposite. To know that you’re mine. You.” I kiss her again because I can. “A beautiful, smart, funny, caring, independent woman who wants to be with me. It seems unreal, Courtney. I’m a selfish prick; at least, I used to be until you came along and reminded me what it felt like to have someone care about me. And Ben,” I laugh, “that kid makes me want to be a better man, be someone he can look up to. I never had that, and I want to be more than good for him. The fact that you’re letting me try to be that man is another reason.”

  “You are a good man, Sam. We’re lucky you want us.”

  “I do. And I’ll do everything in my power to make sure you’re both happy.”

  “Mom!” Ben yells from outside her room.

  We both laugh, and she leans up to kiss my cheek. “You make me happy, make us happy.” Then she crawls out from under me and yells, “We’ll be right down. Go turn on the TV.”

  “Okay!” His laughter filters through the door before fading away as he runs downstairs.

  “Is he always this happy in the morning?”

  I put on my clothes from yesterday while she digs through her drawers and take in the calmness of the situation. We’re not rushing to hide anything from Ben, and it feels awesome.

  “No.” She laughs. “Not usually. But I’m not complaining.”

  She goes to the bathroom first, and I meet them in the kitchen, where in the few minutes I was upstairs after her, panic has ensued.

  “You can’t keep doing this, Benjamin.”

  “Sorry, Mom. I forgot,” he says shoving a spoonful of cereal into his mouth from his bowl. A much smaller bowl than I poured him last time. Noted.

  “Ugh. Give me a minute to go downstairs and see if I have the stuff.”

  She runs away, and I sit next to him at the table. “Hey, buddy. What’s going on?”

  “I forgot my homework.”

  Shit, I didn’t even think to ask him last night. “You’re in kindergarten, right?”

  “Mmmhmm.”

  “You have homework in kindergarten?” I pick up the instructions. Not hard at all, just cut a cereal box to the pattern so it can hold their books at school, and wrap it with something.

  The door to the basement slams and Courtney reappears, disheveled and out of breath. “Yes, he has homework. And he’s supposed to tell me or his babysitter. Usually Mona or whoever checks his folder, and I forgot to tell you, so it’s not really his fault. But it kind of is because he should know to check it every night; now we have to put together a cereal box book holder wrapped in wrapping paper, I need to make his lunch, and he has to get dressed, in . . .” she turns to looks at the clock on the stove. “Twenty minutes! Did my alarm not go off or what? Crap!”

  I laugh and get up to wrap my arms around her. She turns and opens her mouth, I’m sure to tell me it’s not funny, but I silence her with a light kiss. “Another reason I love you. You talk in never-ending sentences when you get stressed out. Take care of his lunch; I’ll
work on the cereal box.”

  “But-”

  “Stop. I’m all in, remember? So that means running around with you like crazy in the morning to get Ben to school on time so you can get to work on time.”

  Her eyes soften. “Okay.”

  She leans up and gives me a quick kiss before running upstairs. I grab the box from the cereal he’s eating and a pair of scissors. Without measuring, I cut the cardboard and get up to rummage through her drawers for tape. When I sit back down, I eye how much wrapping paper I’ll need then cut the square.

  “Did you kiss mommy?”

  I slam the scissors shut and nick my finger. “Shi-crap! Uhh . . .” Where in the hell is Courtney? “Yeah, buddy. Is that okay?”

  He shrugs. “Yup.”

  She comes back in the kitchen with Ben’s clothes and puts his clean socks on while he’s still eating. “Hurry up and finish. Then go brush your teeth and hurry back down so I can finish getting you dressed.” Like a torpedo, she goes to the fridge and whips together a lunch before he even finishes eating.

  I sit back and watch the chaos. After a couple of minutes, he pushes away and goes upstairs.

  “So, do I finish or is he supposed to help me?”

  “He’s supposed to help, but I don’t care. Just do it.”

  “Okay.” I laugh at how rushed she is, when it’s only been like seven minutes. We still have thirteen, and to finish this box will take me another two, so I decide to wait so Ben can help me.

  She disappears, and a few minutes later, she returns dressed for work with Ben. She helps him get dressed, and I call him over to tape the wrapping paper inside the box. With two minutes to spare, I walk them to her car and give Ben a fist bump and her a kiss, before standing in the driveway with a smile, watching her car until it fades away.

  * * *

  I pull the phone away from my ear and bang my head on the steering wheel a couple of times. After I blow out a deep breath, I put it back. “Woman. Stop. I said I want to, so just pick. Mexican or Italian.” I’ve been arguing with Courtney for the past five minutes about me doing too much for her and Ben. All I did was call her and ask what she wanted to eat. It’s food. Jesus.

  “You don’t have to-”

  “Fine. I’m picking. It’s Italian because you’re gonna need the carbs.”

  “What?”

  “I haven’t seen you since this morning, and all this arguing is wasting time I could be spending with you guys. Instead, I’m sitting in my truck outside my last job arguing over what kind of fucking food you want to eat. I don’t plan on letting you get off that easy tonight. Pun intended. I’ll be there in like forty minutes.”

  I hang up and toss my phone in the passenger seat and laugh. She drives me fucking crazy. Too damn independent. She’s gotta get over that shit. My phone rings, and I pick it up seeing her name flash across the screen.

  “Yeah?”

  “Are you mad at me?” Her voice is small. Now I feel like shit.

  “No, babe. I just want to get home, and you’re arguing over something that isn’t going to change. If I want to buy you something or bring food home for you guys, I’m going to.”

  “I’m not used to that.”

  I rest my head back and sigh. “I know you’re not. And I’m not, either. It’s usually just me. We’ll get through it together.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. So in the future, if I ask what you want, just pick one. It’ll save a lot of time.”

  The line is quiet for a second. “You can’t buy everything, though.” She rushes to get the words out and is silent again.

  I think for a moment so I don’t come across as too much of a dick. “I’m not trying to. It’s food, Court.”

  “Maybe to you. But to me, it’s so much more,” she whispers.

  “I know.” I start the truck and clip my buckle. “But I really need to go so I can order the food and pick it up. I want to see you.”

  “It’s only been like eight hours.” She laughs.

  “It’s too long, Courtney. Any time away from you is too long.”

  Epilogue

  Courtney

  I HANG THE PHONE up and lean against the kitchen counter. I’m so not used to this. It’s one thing for Mona to help me out, but Sam? He’s a completely different story. Everything is happening so fast, and I’m trying to adjust. I don’t want to seem ungrateful but accepting things is new for me.

  He’s been so great. I don’t know where I would be without his help. I meant what I said earlier about loving him. He’s really hard not to. A long time ago, I saw in him what he is just now seeing in himself.

  I grab some plates and bowls to set the table so it’s ready when he gets here. Ben’s feet stomp down the stairs before I see him. He rounds the corner with a baseball glove on and his ball.

  “Wanna play catch with me, Mom?” he asks.

  Normally I wouldn’t be able to since I’d be making dinner. But because Sam is picking it up, I have the time. “Yeah, honey. Let’s go in the back.”

  He runs out, and I follow. We’re tossing the ball back and forth for a little while and I decide it would be a good time to talk to him about Sam. I’ve never discussed how he feels about me having a boyfriend. “So, do you like when Sam hangs out with us?”

  “Yeah! He’s fun. And he shows me how to do cool stuff in his garage.”

  “Is it okay if he hangs out with us more?”

  He stops and looks at me, tilts his head, then straightens it again. “Yeah. Can he teach me how to ride a bike?” He throws the ball back to me.

  I’m not surprised at his acceptance but relieved all the same. “Sure, I bet Sam would like that.”

  “Like what?” Sam’s voice startles me.

  “For you to teach him how to ride a bike.”

  “I’d love to.”

  “Cool!” Ben screams and runs toward the garage where his bike is.

  “Not yet, Ben. We need to eat and then I have to figure out how to take the training wheels off,” I yell.

  “Woman,” Sam growls and puts me in a headlock. “You’re not doing anything that requires you holding a tool.” He puts his mouth right next to my ear. “Unless it’s me.”

  I laugh and push him away. “You’re a pig.”

  “Ben, let’s go eat then I’ll take the training wheels off your bike,” he yells.

  “Okay, Sam.” Ben runs back and into the house.

  We follow him, but before we go inside, Sam presses me against the siding and kisses me. I slide my tongue in his open mouth and moan when his fingers graze over my breasts.

  “I missed you,” he whispers against my mouth.

  “I missed you, too.”

  “And not just today, Courtney. All those months I acted like an idiot and tried to keep you away. I missed the hell out of you then, too.”

  I wrap my hands around his waist and pull him closer. “Don’t be an idiot and you won’t have to miss me again.”

  “Although, I have to admit that it was fun watching you get all mad. You’re hot when you’re angry.”

  I laugh and run my hands through his hair. “For a smart guy, that was really dumb.”

  “What can I say?” He shrugs. “I’m a dumb, smart man in love.”

  “No.” I shake my head and pull his face down so our noses are touching. “You’re a kind, caring, thoughtful, handsome, generous, dumb, smart man in love. And I’m lucky to have you.”

  “No way, baby. I’m the one who’s lucky.”

  Instead of arguing with him, I lean up and gently press my lips to his. We walk hand in hand to the kitchen table where Sam has set out all the takeout boxes.

  We sit, and right before Ben shoves a forkful of spaghetti in his mouth, he looks over from Sam to me, then back at Sam.

  “Sam?”

  “Yeah, buddy?”

  “Can Chloe sleep over?”

  Acknowledgements

  Lots of people to thank again. I’m so grateful to each and every one
of you. Especially my husband and two boys who once again have had to put up with me while I was glued to my computer. Love you so much!

  To all of my critiquers and beta readers, you guys rock. Thank you for always being honest and helping me polish this bad boy up. KJ, Stacie, Kishan, Marianne, Kelly, Megan, Brandy, Andrea, Nancy, Polly, Allie, Taylor, Isabella, PM, Beth, and Jen.

  My AOI girls. Couldn’t have done it without you. Thank you for being there and encouraging me when I questioned everything at the last minute. #TheAwesome

  Of course I need to thank my family. . . . my entire family. Now that the cat’s out of the bag, you guys have been nothing but supportive! Love you all, and thanks for embarrassing me at Thanksgiving. :)

  Kari at Cover to Cover Designs: I can’t even say how happy I am to have you working with me on these books. I just love what you do and am so lucky you haven’t gotten sick of me yet. Thank you for being amazing.

  Jenny at Editing4Indies: You’re simply the best. Thank you for always being there and giving the greatest advice. Your work is top-notch, and I’m honored to say I know you.

  Erin at Southern Belle: I’m grateful to be lucky enough to work with you. I love that you always steer me in the right direction and make it seem like it’s my idea, even though we both know you’re the one who has all the good ideas.

  Stacey at Champagne Formats: I can’t thank you enough. My only regret is that I didn’t know of you sooner. You took a task that literally made me cry the first time I did it off of my shoulders, there are no words to describe how much I appreciate you.

  Bree at Vivid Words Editing, thank you for your superb job proofreading. I appreciate you taking the time out of your busy schedule for me.

  To the band Aranda for the song Satisfied. I listened to the acoustic version on repeat while writing. It fits the book perfectly. Thank you for sharing your talent with the world and inspiring me along the way.

  And last but not least, to each and every one of the readers who opens this up and reads it (and hopefully leaves a review . . . hint, hint). If you stopped reading, I’d have to stop writing, and I really like writing, so please don’t stop reading.