Love, Me: A Pleasant Valley Novel Read online

  When I didn’t think I could handle things anymore, they gave me hope. When my hope started to deplete, they filled me up with the love I was missing. When my love turned to anger, they made me laugh.

  “Hey. Congratulations again.” I hand him the gift.

  “You didn’t have to.” He kisses my cheek, opens the bag, and pulls out the gift. His eyes look over the picture in confusion, and then they light up when he realizes when I took it. “You’re so sweet. I didn’t know you took this.”

  “I know. I’m sneaky like that.” I wink.

  “Brad,” he screams across the bar. His boyfriend looks up from the guy he’s talking to and walks over to us. His six-foot-three muscled and tattooed frame is intimidating, but he’s nothing but a big teddy bear to me. “Look, from our Rainey girl.”

  Brad hugs me and takes the picture in his hands. “When I proposed,” he states. “Thank you, Rayne.”

  I smile at the happy couple in the picture and am so thankful I thought to snap that moment on my iPhone. Kennedy has been my best friend since junior high, and when he met Brad our senior year, I knew they were going to end up married. They’re the absolute perfect couple. Brad is several years older, but that never stopped them.

  When Brad proposed to him, he did it at the Lunch Box, where they happened to meet. Brad had been coming in for a few months, and he was one of my best tippers. I remember telling Kenny about him, so I joke and take credit for their relationship, but in reality, I’ve never seen two people more right for each other.

  “You’re welcome.”

  Brad notices something on the other side of the club and takes off. “Girl, let’s get you a drink.” Kennedy smiles and takes my hand.

  I follow him through the throngs of people and wave at a few familiar faces. When we get to the bar, he positions me in front of him and orders a Long Island. “Brad’s nervous,” he whispers, while we’re waiting for my drink.

  “What? Why?”

  He rolls his blue eyes and shakes his head, the blond strands staying put from the copious amount of product in them. “His brother.”

  I roll my eyes now. “He’s such a dick.”

  “I know. After Wyatt’s threats since Brad came out, he’s been on edge. I told him not to worry, but he still does. He hasn’t had a drop of alcohol because he’s preparing for Wyatt to sneak in and cause a scene.”

  Brad’s brother, Wyatt, flipped out when Brad revealed he was gay and dating a man. Brad hid it from his family for years for fear of what their reaction would be. His parents were reluctant but accepted it. When Kennedy and Brad announced their engagement six months later, Wyatt lost it. He physically attacked Kennedy, calling him vile names and spitting in his face. He accused him of turning his brother gay, and threatened to ruin Kennedy’s life. Threatened to kill him.

  Wyatt hasn’t seen or spoken to either man since, but Brad is protective of Kenny and doesn’t let him out of his sight. Kenny isn’t what I would call a wuss, but he’s a lover and not a fighter. He’s the one who always sees the good in people. He reminds me of who I used to be and keeps me going by pushing me to move on without forcing me to forget.

  I take my drink as Kennedy nods at the bartender, and then I follow his lean frame back to the table. Since he works here and Brad owns the place, I never pay for my drinks. It’s also why we have our own private section, along with a few other people who are here for their party.

  I sip my drink, and after about a half an hour, Kennedy catches my eye. “Wanna?”

  “Let’s do it.” I slam the rest of my glass and make my way to the dance floor.

  Kennedy and I dance. I wiggle my ass against him, and he smacks it, laughing. Brad shakes his finger at me, and I blow him a kiss then let the beat dominate my senses. My body sways, and I throw my hands in the air. A natural rhythm takes over as the music consumes me.

  This is the only place I feel comfortable doing this . . . letting the real me shine. I’m safe here. Not only is it a gay bar, but Brad has also asked the bouncers to keep an eye out for me, and they do. I dance with men who want to dance and not get into my pants. Not that I’d let anyone in there anyway. Even though it’s been way too long and I’ve been tempted, I keep my promise and remain faithful to Bryan.

  As the night goes on, I only head back to the table once to get some water. Kennedy and I continue to dance until my back is drenched with sweat and my feet are sore. A hand wraps around my waist and a hard chest presses against me.

  One thing I love about this bar—the men know how to dance.

  And this man is no different. Our hips sway in time with each other, and his warm breath on my neck sends a chill down my spine. I open my eyes and connect with Kennedy, who’s dancing by himself. He winks at me.

  I wrap my fingers around the man’s wrists that are on my hips and grind into him. His hands flex on me, and he pulls me tighter, rocking himself against my back at the same time his lips press against the sensitive spot beneath my ear.

  Fear has me instinctively pulling away, but he doesn’t let me go. “You smell so good,” he whispers right before his lips close in on my neck, sucking gently. “Taste good, too.”

  I’m now disgusted and ready to rip into this asshole for being such a perv. I’d expect this shit at a regular bar, but not here. That’s why I come here. My fingers rip his hands away, and I turn, pushing myself off him. I gasp at the heated look on Vaughn’s face and take a step away.

  Kennedy wraps an arm around my waist. “I told you to be nice,” he jokingly chastises Vaughn.

  I’m so confused. “How do you know him?” I ask Kenny.

  Under the perusal of Vaughn’s cocoa eyes, I begin to tremble. His jaw tenses, and he licks his lips. “Why didn’t you introduce me to your friend sooner?” he finally asks Kennedy.

  “Because I knew this is how you’d act around someone as pretty as she is. This is my Rainey girl,” Kennedy says, slowly walking us away from the crowd. Vaughn follows, and I swallow nervously, not quite sure why he looks mad. “Brad told you to behave around her, Vaughn,” Kennedy muses, as he pulls out a chair for me.

  I sit and cross my legs. Vaughn flips the chair across from me and straddles it, sitting closer to me than needed. He seems to have no problem being in my space. I scoot back, and he smirks.

  “I am behaving.” He laughs. “I was just saying hi since I already met her at that sandwich place yesterday.”

  That sandwich place?

  “Phenomenal, right?” Kennedy asks as he sits next to me.

  Vaughn’s tongue darts out and wets his lips. “Delicious,” he replies, his voice taking on a deeper tone than before.

  Steering the subject away before I get defensive about my restaurant, I ask, “You’re related to Brad?”

  “Distantly,” Vaughn says, as he lifts a shot from the table and slams it. “He invited me to his party tonight.”

  “I thought I told you about him before.”

  “No.” I shake my head at Kennedy. “I don’t think so.”

  “My bad. He moved back about six months ago. Let me formally introduce you two then. Vaughn, this is Rayne; Rayne, this is Brad’s cousin Vaughn, who moved back home a few months ago.”

  Vaughn reaches for my hand, and because I was raised with manners, I go to shake his hand, but he lifts it to his mouth and presses a kiss at the pulse point on my wrist. “Nice to meet you.”

  I hate that I love how his mouth feels on me. I quickly rip my hand away. “Yup.”

  “Kenny!” Brad hollers from across the room.

  Kennedy holds up a finger at Brad and turns so only I can see his face. He mouths, You okay?

  This is why he’s my best friend. Sometimes, he knows me better than I do. I nod. I am okay with Vaughn. I just don’t like that he’s making feelings surface I’ve been trying to suppress.

  “Gotta go. Be nice, Vaughn. She’s not just anyone, okay?” Kenny kisses me on the top of the head and disappears toward his fiancé.

  I prete
nd to look around the bar and take a drink of water, but when I finally look at Vaughn, I find his eyes already on me; in fact, I don’t think they’ve left me.

  “Vaughn, look . . .” I whisper.

  “I am. And I really like what I see.”

  I knew earlier that he was trouble, but now, with his hands on me and the thoughts I’m having that I know I shouldn’t be . . . I’ve gotta squash this before anything starts. “Listen, I—”

  His hair moves freely as he shakes his head. “Don’t blow me off. I know that’s what you’re about to do. Don’t do it.”

  “I’m a lesbian,” I blurt out. “I’m flattered, but sorry.” I’ve rehearsed the line so many times I almost believe it myself. Wish I believed it sometimes.

  He laughs. It catches me so off guard that I find my jaw open, and I’m staring at the way laughter changes the hard angles of his face to soft ones that make him less intimidating and more beautiful.

  “Why are you laughing? You’re the one in a gay bar.”

  “I’m here for Kenny and Brad. I’m not gay, darlin’, and if you think that, then I gotta step up my game.”

  “I’m not interested in playing games.” I cross my arms defensively. “Besides, I didn’t say that you were gay. I said I was a lesbian.”

  He laughs again. Once he catches his breath, he takes another shot. “The way you were moving your hips. Grindin’ on my cock . . . Damn, baby. Got me hard as a fuckin’ rock. You’re not a lesbian.”

  “Yes. I am.” This is what I tell people when I get hit on, because the truth is too hard to bear. Sometimes, I just don’t want the reminder that I won’t have anything else.

  “You’re not a lesbian.”

  “Fine.” I sigh. “Caught me. I’m asexual.”

  He huffs. “No, you’re not.”

  “Am too.”

  “Are not.”

  “Am too!” I screech.

  He extends his arm and runs a finger around my knee and up to the hem of my very short dress. I try to pretend he doesn’t affect me, but my breath hitches in my throat, and my cheeks heat up. When he traces just beneath the hemline, I shiver. Dammit. Asshole.

  “No. You’re not.” He smirks and squeezes my thigh before letting go. Crossing both arms, he rests them on the back of the chair.

  I clear my throat. “Listen, I really can’t. Whatever you’re thinking.”

  “What am I thinking?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “Then why can’t you?”

  “Stop twisting my words,” I huff.

  “I’m not.”

  “Whatever.” I reach for my purse and stand. “Take a hint, asshole.”

  “Wow.” Vaughn whistles. “Here, I thought you were a sweetheart. Didn’t realize you were such a little tease.”

  My hand flies so fast across his face it surprises even me. His eyes widen, and I stand straight, noticing Kennedy rushing over to me. I don’t get to see Vaughn’s reaction because I head out the opposite way. Kennedy’s voice echoes in my head, but I pick up my pace. Tears obstruct my vision as I make my way to the door on shaky legs. When I get outside, cold air whips me in the face, and I shiver for a completely different reason, pissed that I forgot my jacket at the table.

  Since it’ll take me just as long to wait for an Uber, I start walking home. I cross my arms across my chest and speed walk.

  “Rayne, wait!” Kennedy catches up and wraps an arm around my shoulder. “What the hell happened?”

  I stop walking and let him wrap his blazer around me. “He said something that pissed me off, and I overreacted.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t think he’d make you uncomfortable.”

  I shake my head and wave my hand through the air. He made me feel too fucking much is what he made me feel. He made me want to break my promise. He made me question my loyalty. “It’s fine. He didn’t make me uncomfortable. He pissed me off.”

  Kennedy chuckles. “Not like that’s hard to do. What the hell did he say?”

  “He called me a tease. It just pisses me off because that’s the furthest thing from what I am. Right? Was I flirting with him? God, Kennedy.” I shake my head and sniffle. “I don’t even know. I gotta go. I need to call him.”

  His face morphs to one of sympathy, an expression I’m so sick of seeing from people, and I turn to walk home. Kenny’s been in my corner, but he’s also tried pushing me into the center of the ring when I’m not ready. When I still have faith. It wouldn’t surprise me if he invited Vaughn just because he knew I’d be attracted to him.

  Once I get home, I sit on the end of my bed and make my daily phone call.

  “Hey, it’s Bryan. I can’t answer because I’m doing something awesome, so leave a message.”

  “Hi, honey. It’s me. I just got home from the club. Kenny and Brad look so happy. I wish you were here to celebrate with us. Anyway . . . I um, well. I didn’t really do anything exciting other than dance, so I don’t have anything exciting to tell you. I’m tired, though, so I’m going to bed. I’ll call you tomorrow. Love you.”

  Chapter 3

  Rayne

  “He asked for you again,” Polly says, as she grabs the roast beef sandwich I just finished making.

  Vaughn’s been out in the dining room for the past two hours, bugging Polly about me every fifteen minutes. I haven’t told her anything, other than who he is and that I can’t talk to him right now. I don’t talk about my personal life. The only people aside from my parents who know me are Kennedy, and Brad by default, since Kennedy tells him everything.

  “I’m busy.”

  She looks over at the empty order board and crooks an eyebrow.

  “Shut up.” I smile to hide the nervousness I really feel.

  “You’re the boss,” she mumbles. “Gotta deliver these.”

  I rip my hair net off and lean against the wall next to the fan.

  As she steps out through the swinging door, I catch his eye, or he catches mine. Either way, I can’t bring myself to look away. He appears different from Friday night. Softer. He mouths my name, and I finally look down, my hair forming a curtain—a shield. Just like I hid behind all day yesterday. I stayed home and hid from the world.

  Vaughn confuses me. For the first time in years, I felt something other than sorrow and loneliness yesterday because of him. For a minute, I didn’t feel bad about my situation and saw a momentary out. And I’m not sure how I feel about feeling; I like being angry and pissed off at the world. It’s easier to be mad than it is to admit how sad and lonely I am.

  Just as I’m about to walk out the back exit to get some air, the door swings open again, but it’s not Polly. I don’t need to look up to know who it is. His footsteps are heavy, and the toes of his black boots are a stark contrast to my white tennies.

  “Would you look at me, so I can apologize to you?” His voice screams sadness.

  I take a breath and lift my head. His lips tilt up in a soft smile, and I tuck some hair behind my ear, pushing my shield away.

  “I was a dick.”

  “It’s fine.”

  “No, it’s not.”

  “Vaughn, really. I overreacted and—”

  “You didn’t. I’m sorry, all right? I won’t try to make excuses, but I can promise I’ll never talk to you like that again, okay? Besides, Brad will ‘break every bone in my body’ if I piss you off again. And I have no doubt he’d do it.”

  His fingers are tapping rapidly against his leg, and as he bites his lip, I realize he’s nervous. His dark brown eyes study my face, hopeful, waiting for a reaction.

  “Okay,” I agree. And I mean it. If he’s going to be around Kennedy and Brad, I’ll be seeing him a lot.

  A small swoosh of air leaves his mouth, and he unexpectedly pulls me in for a hug. His leather jacket smells fabulous, and his arms around me are oddly comforting. And strangely familiar. I awkwardly pat his back, and he pulls away. “Okay, good.”

  I can’t help the small bubble of laughter that escapes me
at the relief that spreads through him. “Did you eat?”

  “No, I wasn’t sure if you’d spit in my food.”

  “I would never!”

  A sheepish smile takes over the nervous features from before. The worry creases between his brows have vanished. “I am starving, though.”

  “Let me feed you, then. I love cooking.”

  He stands next to me as I prepare him a sandwich. Even though it’s not complicated, I still concentrate on what I’m doing and don’t even notice him inching closer to me. When I finish and hand him the plate, his fingers brush mine. “Damn, girl. Looks great.”

  Damn, girl, this looks great. I’m going to miss your cooking when I’m gone.

  Instead of letting go, my hand clamps down harder. I can’t move. My knees lock, my heart pounds, and sweat forms on the back of my neck. It’s suddenly scorching in the kitchen, and fuzz circles me . . . engulfs me. It chokes me to the point where I gasp for air.

  “Rayne?”

  I look up at Vaughn but then squeeze my eyes shut.

  I can’t remember what he looks like.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Why can’t I remember what he looks like?

  Beneath my lids, Bryan’s face slowly begins to form. Green eyes. Light brown hair. His nose was a little crooked, and he had a dimple on his right cheek when he smiled.

  “Rayne?”

  Okay. I remember now. It’s okay. Everything is okay.

  It’s going to be okay.

  Vaughn takes the dish from me and sets it on the counter. He shakes me, the jolt causing me to hit the plate, and his sandwich falls into the dishwater.

  The door opens, and Polly enters with some dirty dishes. “You okay?”

  “Yes.” I scramble out of Vaughn’s strong hands and wring my fingers together nervously. “I was just making Vaughn something to eat.”

  “Oh, okay.” Her words come out slowly as she begins to back away. “There are customers waiting to be cashed out, and—”