Tell Me When (It's Kind Of Personal Book 4) Read online

  “Pierce … I don’t think it’s a good idea.” I want to … so bad. Even for a minute, to just be held. To take a moment to feel safe because even though I don’t know him, I know that he’d keep me safe. I can just tell. I really do want him in my corner.

  He smiles and sits up a little straighter. “Brr. I’m really cold.” His hands run up and down his muscular arms and he dramatically shakes his body. “I sure wish someone had a blanket they could share with me.”

  My resolve fades. “Cute and funny, huh? Fine!” I laugh and sit next to him, then throw the blanket over both of us. He wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me back until we’re both lying down, staring at the sky.

  He scoots so his body is flush with mine, and I move my head so it rests on his shoulder. “Much better.”

  “It’s perfect,” I whisper.

  Neither of us speaks for a little bit. This is everything I’ve ever dreamed of and more. This feeling is something I try to emulate in the stories I write to escape my reality. I’m nothing but a commodity. An inconvenient convenience. My life doesn’t really matter, but since I’m here, I might as well be played in the game, used as a pawn to suit whatever needs are to be met.

  Pierce points at a star as it shoots across the sky. “I’ve never seen one of those before.”

  “It’s pretty, right?” I ask.

  “Never seen anything more beautiful in my life.”

  When I turn my head, our noses brush against each other. He brings a hand up and rests it on my cheek, rubbing his thumb against the side of my jaw. I relax my neck and lean in to him, my forehead against his. This is bad; this is so bad. If I got caught, if they knew I was up here with him, it wouldn’t end well … for me or for him.

  “Pierce, I …”

  “Shh,” he whispers. “You don’t need to say anything.”

  He searches my eyes, and when he sees what he’s looking for, he leans forward and kisses my forehead. He leaves his lips there, lingering, burning. He slides them down and they ghost over my own; a warmth forms in my belly and I gasp at the unexpected feeling. His lips seek mine; a small peck then a longer, wetter kiss, one that’s more demanding.

  His tongue peeks out and I open my mouth, anticipating what’s to come. The second his tongue glides over mine, I whimper into his mouth. His fingers press tighter against my face and he kisses me deeper. My heart beats against my chest faster than ever before, and the warmth in my belly is now boiling.

  A frustrated growl vibrates in his throat; he breathes into me and kisses me harder, and then pulls back and throws his arm over his eyes.

  I sit up and pull the blanket tighter, worried I angered him. “What’s wrong?”

  “I don’t even know.” He reaches up and pulls me back down so I’m lying half on top of him. “This feels more real to me than anything I’ve ever felt before, and I’m supposed to be leaving on Sunday. I don’t even know your name or where you live or what you’re doing here.”

  I’ve gone my whole life being essentially alone and living in a state of nothingness. I’ve learned to be inside my own head and the stories that sit in my brain are pretty amazing. I have so many … so many dreams and fantasies and wishes, but to have one come true — alive and in person — is so foreign to me. Since I came up here a little while ago and ran into Pierce, he’s been the one leading the conversation, making the moves, and doing all the talking. It’s not that I don’t want him to know about me; it’s that he’ll never be able to.

  “We have time,” I lie, covering my mouth as I yawn.

  “We’ll just stay like this all night.” He kisses my forehead again, and I close my eyes. I make sure this moment will be one I never forget because I don’t think I’ll ever get another one like it.

  * * *

  Pierce

  I wake up as the sun is rising on the roof, wrapped in her blanket. As soon as I sit up, a piece of paper rustles against my hand. When I open it, a short note scrawled in feminine handwriting says, I had to go but meet me here again tonight … same time. Xo

  My eyes burn from both the lack of sleep and the brightness, so I rub them with my fists and stand up, folding the blanket before I link my fingers together and raise them above my head to stretch out my back.

  The fact that she wants to see me again outweighs my irritation that she left without saying good-bye. This trip just suddenly became exciting.

  I walk over to the door that I’m assuming she came from, but it’s locked. Hmm. Deciding the best way to get back to my room is the way I came, I swing my legs over the edge and make my way down to our room’s balcony and knock on the sliding glass. The curtain is ripped back before Nik’s groggy face appears. He shakes his head and opens the door.

  “What the fuck, Pierce? I tried calling you when you never came back to the room.”

  “Sorry, I fell asleep.”

  “I’m going back to bed. Zack is pissed as shit at you. I figured you were just with someone, but he thought something happened to you.” He drags himself back to bed.

  “I’ll apologize.” It was a crappy thing to do, leaving my friends and not letting them know where I was. I’d be mad if they did the same to me.

  “Wait.” He sits up, propped on his elbows. “Why the fuck were you on the balcony?”

  “I was on the roof last night.”

  “So why were you on the balcony?”

  “I climbed up the fire escape.”

  “Couldn’t you have taken the stairs or something?”

  “I didn’t see any, actually.”

  “Whatever. Wake me up again and I’ll kill you.”

  He throws the covers over his head, and before I’m even to the bathroom, his snoring reverberates in the room.

  I try to get some sleep, but my body is wired just as much as, if not more than, my brain. I can’t wait to see her again and find out more about her. Maybe she lives close to me or something. We could alternate weekends to see each other, or maybe I’d have to fly. I would fly to see her again. Hell, I’d do just about anything to see her again.

  The guys and I finally leave the room around two and grab some food. I don’t tell them much about what happened last night because I know how it’ll sound, and I don’t need them giving me a hard time for it.

  What I do need is to figure out how I can make this work with her. I don’t even know where she lives. Maybe I’m thinking too much into this. She was just a girl I met in Vegas. Drunk. I bet the alcohol played a factor in this insta-lust I’m feeling. Her smiling face flashes in front of my eyes, and the center of my chest warms … nope, it’s real. Damn. I didn’t see this happening.

  Zack’s still tired, so he goes to the room while Nik and I head to the gym to work out. Sweat pours out of me, damn alcohol, but I continue to push myself to do at least six miles on the treadmill. Since it’s just a hotel gym, they don’t have much more than machines and cardio equipment, so after the run, we stretch a bit and add in some push-ups and burpees.

  “Can I ask you a question without you giving me shit?” I ask.

  Nik sits up straight and nods. “Of course.”

  “Do you believe in love at first sight?”

  He pretends to tie his shoe, but his shoulders shake from laughter. “Sorry. Sorry.” He takes a deep breath then looks at me again.

  “Forget it.” I stand to go, but he grabs my forearm.

  “Dude, I said sorry. I just wasn’t expecting that from you.”

  I turn and lean up against the wall, crossing my arms out of frustration. Not with Nik, but the whole situation. “Why not? I mean you know I’ve never really been into the whole one-night stand thing.”

  “Yeah, I know. I just …” He finishes his bottle of water and tosses it in the trashcan. “I have to believe it exists. Other people I know say it’s happened to them. Have I ever experienced it? That’d be a big fat hell no.”

  “But do you think that just by looking at someone or spending a few hours with them, you know?”

  “Know what?”

  “That you can’t live without them? That they have the power to either destroy you or make you feel like you’re the most important person in the entire world? That you love them?”

  He crosses his arms and contemplates my questions. “No. I don’t. I think to love someone you have to know them. And that takes time, more than a few hours. Why? Is this about last night?”

  “Yeah.” I push off the wall and walk over to the window that faces out to the desert. “I can’t get this girl out of my head. I swear it’s like I met my soul mate.”

  “Fuckin’ A, Pierce.” He doesn’t hold back his laughter this time.

  “Yeah, that was bad.” I punch him in the shoulder as I walk by. “Tell anyone I said that and I’ll kill you.”

  Chapter 3

  Ruby

  “Ruby. Meet Edward Tellano.”

  I shake the man’s hand in front of me and smile, already having a sinking feeling in my gut. For this particular dinner, Dad had my hair and makeup professionally done. “Hi. Nice to meet you, sir.”

  “Sir?” He laughs and brings my hand up and presses a kiss to my knuckles. “Call me Eddie.”

  I pull my hand back with a little too much force. “Fine. Eddie, it is.”

  “Ruby,” my dad warns, his voice on the verge of a growl. If he’d just tell me what the hell I’m supposed to be doing here, things would be a lot easier. But no, I walk into tonight completely unprepared, and since my eighteenth birthday was last week, my fear is becoming more of a reality.

  My mom walks into the room, looking every bit the trophy wife she is: long blond hair, big fake boobs, long manicured nails. “Eddie, how nice to see you again.”

  “Mrs. Russo. You look lovely this evening.”

 
She has the decency to look embarrassed. “Oh, thank you. Doesn’t our little Ruby look stunning as well?” She wraps an arm around my shoulder and uses her other hand to make a spectacle of showing off my long hunter green evening dress.

  “Yes, she looks beautiful.” He looks into my eyes and tilts his head then addresses my dad. “Father just phoned. He apologizes but says he’s running a few minutes behind. He said not to wait for him to eat.”

  “Nonsense, we have no trouble waiting. How about a drink?”

  “That would be perfect.”

  Eddie follows my father out of the room, and I shrug out from under my mom’s arm. Something is up; this isn’t a normal dinner to impress people. Something else is at play here, and I wish they’d just have the balls to tell me.

  “What the hell is going on?”

  Mom takes a deep breath and grabs my wrist, pulling me out of my dad and Eddie’s line of sight. “Everything will be just fine, Ruby. Okay? Just do what your father says and everything will be fine.”

  “What are you talking about?” I want her to say the words. She could at least have the decency to tell me to my face.

  “Well, where is she? Where’s my future daughter-in-law?” The robust voice of a man makes my eyes widen. I’ve seen him before several times doing business with my dad, walking through the casino and going into Dad’s private business office.

  When the reality of what he just said hits me, I open my mouth to protest, but my mother quickly covers it and shakes her head profusely. “Please, Ruby. I’m so sorry; just do what your father says. Please. Please. You have to.”

  I rip her hand away and dig my nails into my palms. “You expect me to marry Eddie fucking Tellano? What is this—”

  “There she is. Ruby, come here.” My father’s voice beckons me, and from the intensity of it plus my mother’s pleading eyes, I take a deep breath and turn with a fake smile on my face.

  “I’m right here.”

  So this is it. This is my life. I thought that since I had just turned eighteen, I’d be able to get out of this hellhole. That I’d get to leave and go to college — finally experience freedom — but apparently, Daddy-O has other plans. I was afraid of this, and on one hand, I’m so frightened to get taken out of my bubble. As much as I hate it here, I’m still comfortable. But then again, maybe leaving wouldn’t be that bad.

  I don’t owe my mom anything because she hasn’t given me anything, but she’s still my mom. If she’s scared, I have to believe that there’s a legit reason for it. I might not know exactly the reason right now, but I will find out … and when I do, I’m getting the hell out of here.

  Eddie sits next to me at dinner, and when dessert is served, I get up to use the restroom, leaving and coming back unnoticed. I bet that if I were eating with Pierce, he’d notice. Maybe he’d stand when I got up, too, like they used to in the old days. The entire fifty-five minutes I’ve been sitting here with Eddie he’s ignored me, talking business with our fathers. I’m not paying attention to what they’re saying because I’m trying to figure out how I can get out of this. How I can have a normal life with someone like Pierce. No, fuck that. With Pierce.

  Dad looks at me and slowly nods; I guess that’s his final seal of approval and any hope I had to get out of it just dissipated into thin air.

  Arranged marriage. Fucking wonderful. My life rocks.

  The rest of the night goes by painfully slowly and I thank whatever god will listen when the Tellanos leave. As soon as the door shuts behind them, I storm to my room. My dad follows closely behind, and I spin around.

  “No.”

  “No?” he questions.

  “Yes. No. I’m not marrying him. I just want to leave. You don’t have to give me anything. I’ll go on the fucking streets. Just let me leave.” Tears clog my throat as the enormity of the situation bears down on my chest. Is it going to be worse with Eddie? Will he force me to have sex with him? Is he going to hurt me?

  “I’m afraid I can’t do that, Ruby. This is what’s best for the family. Eddie is a nice gentleman. He’ll treat you well.”

  “Like you treat Mom?”

  “Your mother wants for nothing.”

  “I do, though. I want a normal life. I want to be loved.”

  “I love you very much, Ruby. So does your mother.”

  “No, you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t make me do this. I don’t want my dad to tell me who I’m going to spend the rest of my life with. I want to get out of here.”

  He nods his head sympathetically. “I understand. But unfortunately, the deal is already signed. You must do this, Ruby. I only want the best for you, and Edward will make sure you’re taken care of. He will be back here tomorrow afternoon to collect you and your things.”

  “Tomorrow? You don’t even give me twenty-four hours? Fuck you! I hate you!” I scream and run to the bathroom, slamming and locking the door behind me. I strip off my dress and get in the shower before the water turns warm. Tears stream down my face, and I choke on the truth of what’s about to happen.

  Am I going to be forced to push out babies so they’ll carry on the Tellano family name? What will my name be? Is he going to make me take his, or will I keep my own?

  I numbly wash my body and hair then get out of the shower and throw on a pair of sweats and a hoodie. My contacts slide out easily from the tears that so helpfully moistened my eyes.

  I tiptoe my way to the back stairwell and take a deep breath before I open the door to the roof. This is the last night I have to pretend my life will ever be somewhat ordinary, and I can’t think of a better person to play make believe with. If I weren’t planning to meet Pierce, I’d still come up here, but I’d do it alone with nothing but the stories in my head and a pen and paper.

  Meeting Pierce last night was a blessing and a curse. He showed me, even in the short time I was with him, that real men do exist. That falling in love is a possibility. But damn him, I didn’t think it was real before, and I’m kind of regretting that I know the feeling. It sucks it’s getting ripped away from me faster than it was introduced, but I suppose at least I’ll have the memories. From memories, I can remember instead of just pretending. And I intend to make some more tonight.

  He sits on the lounger with my blanket draped over his knees, hands steepled with his forehead resting on them. His head whips in my direction and he stands, wiping his palms on the back of his jeans.

  “Hi.” He smiles and takes a step toward me, his excitement calming some of my nervousness.

  “Hey.” I walk up to him, and before I can say anything else, he pulls me to him and wraps his arms around me.

  “I’m so glad you showed up. I was worried you weren’t going to.”

  “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”

  I soak up his embrace and push my fear of the future aside. I’m going to pretend that dinner didn’t happen and that Edward isn’t going to be here for me tomorrow. I’ve lived my whole life using my imagination, and tonight it’s going to be put to the test. Just the thought of Eddie makes my skin crawl, so I’m really going to have to force myself to forget.

  I give Pierce a squeeze and step back. He cups my face with his hands and kisses my forehead so gentle, but the meaning so powerful.

  “How was your day?” He looks into my eyes when he talks to me, showing me he cares.

  “Fine. How was yours?”

  “Lonely without you.” He entwines our fingers together and leads me to the lounger. He sits down and widens his legs for me to sit between them. I lean back against his strong chest, and he wraps both arms around my stomach. “Comfortable?” His breath slides across my cheek and I grab his hands with my own.

  “Perfectly.”

  “Me too.”

  The silence passes, and it’s not necessarily awkward, but I don’t want to waste time inside my head, so I figure I should talk, ask questions, something.

  “So can I ask you a question?”

  “Of course. Anything.”

  “When you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?”

  “Hmm.” His Adam’s apple vibrates against the back of my head and it sends a chill down my spine. “I can’t reme— Oh! Yeah, I forgot. I wanted to be a garbage truck driver.”